Questions for Dates

Questions that come up during dating

Family of Origin

Are there people in your family that would cause problems?

How do you feel about my family?

What’s something important you learned from your family?

What did you like and not like about your parent’s parenting style?

Do you have any concerns about my parent’s parenting style?

Who is your favorite and least favorite family member on my side and on your
side, and why?

How often are we going to visit or receive visits from our families?

How close do you want to stay to your family?

How would you react if your family did something disrespectful to us?

What role do you want to have in your parent’s life when they get older? (Nursing
home, live in, have them move in). Do you plan to live near them?

How do you expect to divide holidays between families?

Was there a history of domestic violence in your family?

Relationship Communication

Are you willing to schedule one evening a week to regularly sit down with each
other and catch up about deep stuff?

What support do you expect from me in hard times (illness, death,
unemployment), and what does that support look like?

What would you do if there ever was a time you thought this wouldn’t work out

or that we would break up?

What is something you would like to change about yourself?

What is something you would like me to change about me?

What do you judge about yourself the most?

What do you judge the most about me?

What is the number one thing you think I could do to improve our relationship?

What is the number one thing you think you could do to improve our relationship?

How can I provide you with support during hard times?

How will you provide me with support during hard times?

What worked well in your past relationships?

What didn’t work in your past relationships?

When is a time you feel most connected with someone?

How can we best connect?

What do you overestimate or underestimate the most about yourself?

What do you overestimate or underestimate the most about me?

What makes you feel appreciated?

How can you make me feel appreciated?
How can I make you feel appreciated?

Romance/Dates within the relationship

What first attracted you to me?

How can I keep that passion alive?

How can you keep that passion alive?

How important are dates?

What was your most romantic date so far?

What does your dream romantic date look like?

What can we do to make that dream day possible?

Describe the attributes that make me a dream partner?

Describe the attributes that you believe make you my dream partner?

Are you willing to commit to a “date schedule” now or in the future?

What is your love language?

How can you work with my love language?

Do you realistically think you want to live together at some point?

Any “hovering” ex’s? All done with past relationships?

What’s your E/Q?

How’s your health? (mental and physical).

When do we meet each other’s family?

Marriage/Engagement/Commitment

Do you believe in marriage?

Do you want to ever want to get married?

Do you envision me being the person you marry?

Would you prefer a long or short engagement?

Do you want a big wedding or a small wedding?

Or, do you prefer just having a long term relationship without marriage?

How do you express commitment to someone?

How can I best express my commitment to you?

What does a committed future look like for us?

What is something you won’t give up in a marriage or long term unmarried
relationship?

Is there anything you would want me to give up in a marriage or long term
unmarried relationship?

What’s the key to a successful relationship?

Sex

What are your expectations regarding sex?

How will you make sure our sex life is prioritized and ensure we are both
satisfied?

What do you like about sex and what do you not like?

Ever had sexual problems?

Are you sexually adventurous (vs. “traditions?” What does that mean to you?

Ever had an STD?

Would you be okay seeing a sex therapist or a marriage/family therapist?

How open are you to telling me if you are not satisfied sexually?

Parenting/Children

Ask about NOT having children.

How will life be with just the two of us together?

How will our relationship be in ten years? Twenty years? Or,

Do you want kids at all?

How many kids do you want?

How important is family to you?

Would you be willing to adopt or engage in surrogate services if there is a fertility issue?

What kind of parenting experience do you have?

What are the three most important values you are planning to teach our children?

Do you have a parenting style you like?

If after I had kids I suffered postpartum depression how would you deal with that?

When we start having children, how do you envision your share of
responsibilities?

What is your perspective on having one of us being a stay-at-home parent?

Will your give priority to your kids over your family of origin?

How do you want to discipline children?

What roles would you like family members to play with future children?

Would you be open to taking parenting classes together?

Any kids from past relationships?

Infidelity

What is your definition of cheating?

Have you ever been cheated on?

Have you cheated?

Do you agree to bring up any attraction you are feeling outside of our relationship
before something significant develops?

Vacations

How do you expect to spend the holidays?

How important is being able to have time off for vacation?

What are your dream vacations for the future?

How much of a priority is vacations to you?

Do you want to vacation alone or with friends or family?

Social

How much do you prioritize friendships?

When does having too many friends and social activities compromise our relationship?

Do you think we can have friends of the opposite sex?

If I have a concern about a friend of yours how will you handle that?

Do you have concerns about any of my friends?

Conflict

If we started to have issues, how would you handle them?

What are deal breakers for you?

What is your conflict style — avoidant, anxious, accommodating, assertive, compromising,

or something else?

How did your family deal with conflict growing up?

How do you usually express anger?

What is a healthy way for each of us to handle anger?

How comfortable are you with having arguments or disagreements?

What do you think our perpetual conflicts will be (those based on personality or
lifestyle differences)?

What part of me is most annoying to you?

What would be an example of an unresolvable conflict?

Name a situation in which I disappointed you?

What would be an example of a resolvable conflict?

What would be unacceptable to you in a disagreement?

Do you need “me time,” and how much?

If I need “me time,” how will you respond to that?

How do you think we should establish boundaries?

What if I prefer the opposite of something, how would you handle that?

What are boundaries you want to draw with family members?

Addictions

Do you have any addicts in your family?

How would you handle it if I abused substances?

How would you want me to handle your addiction?

Employment/Finances

How would you react if one of us lost our job?

Are you okay setting up a savings account to help if one of us ever lost our job?

Would you want our finances to be separate?

What are your thoughts on combining finances upon marriage?

How would you handle our joint finances?

What is your knowledge in finances?

Would you be open to investing in a financial advisor?

Would you care if I made more money than you?

Are you interested in assets such as rental properties, stocks, bonds, real estate,

Would you be open to taking finance courses together?

Do you have a financial plan for retirement?

What do you want to do during retirement?

What is your current financial situation?

Are you comfortable with your current finances?

Are you comfortable with my current financial situations?

Do you have debt?

If I have debt, what are your thoughts on handling it?

Do you spend more or save more?

Do you believe in and want a prenup?

What are your thoughts if I want a prenup?

Should we budget together or separately if finances are combined?

How should we ideally handle large purchases?

Do you have any financial obligations from other marriages or children?

Who will handle the logistics of paying bills?

How will we plan for our children’s financial future (like college)?

Location

Where do you want to live?

How important is it to you to live in a house?

Is the size of a house or location important to you?

Would you be willing to rent or get a smaller house while saving for a house?

If I got the opportunity would you be willing to move across the country?

If we moved to a city where we didn’t know anyone how would we handle it?

If money wasn’t an object where would you want to live?

Day-to-day

Would you rather do household chores after work or on weekends?

How will we divide up household chores?

What are your standards for cleanliness?

Are you willing to do more if my standards for cleanliness are higher?

How will we divide cooking?

Would you rather pay someone to fix or update things, or do it yourself?

What about hiring help for cleaning?

Ideal Day

What is your favorite thing to do during free time?

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Describe your dream day in 10 years from now?

What causes have you volunteered for?

If you started a charity today what would it be for?

What does your ideal day off look like?

Do you prefer to relax when you’re off or go on adventures?

What scares you the most in life?

Miscellaneous

What hobby would you like us to start doing together?

Do you want any pets (or any more)?

What’s you IQ?

Do you value education?

Criminal record?

Are you a liberal or a conservative (politically)?

Are you a religious person?

Do you expect to raise your children in your faith?

Would you consider moving out of state?

Would you consider living in another country?